Evolutionary Majors Get NO Government Grants This Year

From an article published Aug 24, in the NY Times, I was shocked to discover that the Federal Government “accidentally” deleted the “Evolutionary Major” from it’s list of acceptable majors for grants to low-income students in their 3rd or 4th year of college. That’s pretty scary. It seems that when the matter was brought to their attention, they said “Oops, we’ll correct that,” but then they DIDN’T.

Okay that IS scary, but the scariest part of the article was the fact that the ‘source’ who informed us of this asked that his identity remain anonymous. So people are scared of pointing out a little boo-boo made by the Dept. of Education? What could this source be scared of? He doesn’t want the publicity that might accompany the subject? Or is he scared of repercussions from our present pro-Fundamentalist Christianity-or-else administration? That is what I think he’s scared of, and THAT really scares me.

The Importance of Being Christian

So, you thought those born-again Christians spreading the good news were only after your soul? You never realized they were trying to save your life, did you? It is only now that I understand how important their words were. Oh, why did we all POOH-POOH them?

As I sit here alone amidst the rubble and devastation, I don’t even feel the burns on my body. I contemplate the words of wisdom spouted at me every day from my TV set, and again, wherever I went, the grocery store, the gas station, the bar on the corner. I thought they were repellent at the time – “Join us or go to Hell,” is what they told me, and always the small whisper that followed, “We’re living the End of Days. The Apocalypse cometh.” I thought they were ignorant – I didn’t realize they had inside information.

I never realized when they spoke of their “divine strike” against Iran, they meant to start a global nuclear war. But I should have realized. One of their most revered leaders, George W. Bush, had made it all very clear. One had only to listen carefully to his words. When he and his fellow born-agains warned us of the impending Apocalypse, they had good reason – for they were in the exact right position to begin it. I’ll never forget his last words to us, before he pushed the button, “The goat lived! HAH! Yes, it lived!”

And now here I sit, alone in a world of nothing and no one. I pray for death. I pray that God will see fit to send me to the Netherworld, so that I might not bump into all those who were resurrected – I pray that he not punish me with such an incredibly boring after- life. Besides, I can’t stand to hear, “I told you so.”

Why Did We Invade Iraq in the First Place?

Remember OPEC and the oil embargo in the 70’s? Know who really broke it? Saddam Hussein did. He undersold them all. Saudi Arabia, Syria, UAE, Kuwait, they have all hated him ever since. Saddam was always our partner. By “our” I mean America’s, not the oil company’s.

Bill Maher, at the beginning of our invasion of Iraq, asked the question: Out of all the miserable sons of bitches that are dictators in this world, why Hussein? Why our ally, Saddam Hussein? A man we supported throughout his vicious war with Iran (in which he poisoned thousands with his chemical warfare). A regime we supported so strongly, that even while we were at war with him over Kuwait, we called our troops back from a vital campaign, in order to allow Hussein’s troops to go into Baghdad and quell a rebellion that had begun.

It could be that his regime was in imminent danger - it was about to topple – and we had no control over the regime that was likely to take its place – that’s all - as simple as that.

I do have a more sinister theory, but it requires a little more paranoia. The second theory is that Bush and his oil cronies wanted control over Iraqi oil in order to have similar price controls as OPEC did in the 70’s. But the only real logic to this theory is the fact that even before Katrina, ever since we went into Iraq, gas prices have gone up. At first, they blamed it on the chaos in Iraq, then they blamed Katrina. Now it seems they don’t need an excuse; everyone’s comfortable paying these prices, and nobody yells too loudly when reports of outrageous profits by oil companies seep into the news media. Of course, summer traveling isn’t over yet – and no American’s going to give up their summertime cross-country drive – so perhaps I have only to wait for September before the grease hits the fans.

Is this Country falling apart?

I feel like the country's falling apart at the seams - literally. We're in the middle of a drought here in Atlanta - you're only allowed to water your lawns on certain days, and big fines are imposed if it's done at the wrong hour, etc... Yesterday, as I was driving down Ponce de Leon, I came upon a torrent of water rushing down the inside lane. It went on for about 3 miles. Another water main break. That's the third one. A few hours later, I had to run to the store, and the water was STILL rushing down that lane. What the Hell? Shouldn't that be considered an emergency during a drought? Today, I came across yet another water main break with water rushing down Piedmont Avenue. In Dekalb county (the next county over where they also are in drought conditions) they had one last week. It took a week to fix the one in Dekalb. Have we become so incompetent in this country that we can't fix a goddamned LEAK? And what the Hell is up with all the blackouts everywhere? Man, we are surely going down the tubes.

Retiring on the Lottery

I have a retirement plan – I am going to play the lottery every week until I hit!
Think that’s crazy? It’s not as crazy as counting on a pension. It seems to be happening more often now - companies “mishandle” the pension fund, and the retirees just LOSE all their pensions. Some companies are “freezing” their pension plans already. That’s the scariest news of all.

So why aren’t American retirees protected? My guess is because we did away with most of our UNIONS… And we thought it was all about “the right to work.”

No unions = no healthcare, no pension, no benefits. We have the right to work, that’s it. Who needs that? Oh wait, I know, the companies need that, so they don’t have to compete against union wages and benefits – and then they’re going to save lots of money and it’s all going to trickle down to us – I’m still waiting… It’s over 20 years and still no trickle.

Time for a campfire song:

I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night,
Alive as you and me.
Says I, “But Joe, you’re ten years dead.”
“I never died,” said he,
“I never died,” said he.

“In Salt Lake,” Joe says I to him,
Him standing by my bed,
“They framed you on a murder charge,”
Says Joe, “But I ain’t dead,”
Says Joe, “But I ain’t dead.”

“The Copper Bosses killed you Joe,
“They shot you Joe,” says I.
“Takes more than a gun to kill a man,”
Says Joe, “I didn’t die,”
Says Joe, “I didn’t die.”

And standing there as big as life
And smiling with his eyes,
Says Joe, “What they can never kill
Went on to organize,
Went on to organize.”

From San Diego up to Maine,
In every mine and mill,
Where working men defend their rights,
It’s there you find Joe Hill,
It’s there you find Joe Hill!

Dark Days

I just watched this documentary, Dark Days, a film by Mark Singer on Comcast's On Demand, about the “homeless” as we refer to them, in this country. I don’t want to ruin the ending for anyone, so I will try to be as unbiased in my review of this film as the producers were in making it.

This movie films a specific group – the people who live under Penn Station in NY City – and shows their lives from their view-point. I found it fascinating as I sat in my warm living-room, watching my cable t.v. But, you know, under certain circumstances, I could see myself nesting in their dark, dank underground hole. None of those depicted in this documentary are crazy, which is how I tend to think of the homeless. They are down and out, but probably not more so than what many of us in this country (who have families or other support systems) have been at one time or another. If it were not for my family, there are probably a few times in my life when I might have found myself underground, so to speak.

It is amazing the resilience they have; the fortitude they find in order to endure this way of life. My mother used to say that the capacity we humans have to SURVIVE was incredible; given the right circumstances, any of us is capable of waking up every morning begging for his thirty lashes.

At one point, Amtrak sends in armed guards (not policemen – these are guys hired by Amtrak and armed by Amtrak), to “evict” these people from their “homes.” Don’t get angry at Amtrak though, unless you are willing to get angry with yourself and the community you live in.

Just WATCH this film – it will give you a “real” perspective on how the homeless in America live.

Fashion Do's and Don'ts on E! TV -- No More Scrunchies

Funny, I don't usually watch E! TV, and my boyfriend watches it even less, but when I went in to the living room last night, to my astonishment he was watching the TOP 50 Fashion Do's and Don'ts. The show was well done, with some wry humor here and there, and managed to keep my interest. But I was I was saddened by one of their fashion don’ts – the scrunchie.

Now how am I supposed to wear my hair when I haven’t washed it, or worse when I haven’t gotten a haircut in six or seven months, or years?

As you may have guessed, I’m no fashion guru – never have been. There was a time in my life when I went barefoot and wore torn bell-bottomed jeans; but that was in the hippie days – after the first couple of years, I stopped getting looks. In fact, at that time I considered anyone who followed fashion to be some sort of brainwashed, bleating sheep – I just couldn’t understand – the worst perpetrators of the “Simon says” mentality were the quote unquote hippies themselves. They were supposedly going against the status quo, but wouldn’t be caught dead with the ‘wrong’ hairdo, and they always sneered at my makeshift purses too (ahem).

That being said, in my older, now wiser years, I have come to understand the desire for fashion and I appreciate it, especially if it is packaged elegantly. But I still don't have the time or money to dress well. I told you how I dressed in the 60's but, I have to confess, you'd do a double-take at some of my outfits even now, in fact, especially now. Sometimes I will be in a store, and it is only after I've gotten a couple of odd looks that I realize I'm wearing those really comfortable 'khakis' that land right above my ankle, with my socks showing and my really old and very puffy sneakers that make my feet look yet another couple sizes bigger than the 9's they are, poking out grandly.

I would have made a great guy. I really don't care when people look at me, starting at my feet and traveling incredulously up to see whose face wears these clothes. They always avert their eyes if they notice me catch them; and it's kind of funny watching them trying not to laugh, especially if they have a cohort nearby. I think it might have upset me when I was younger, though I'd have brushed it off by exclaiming how rude, how arrogant and how snobbish of them. Now I laugh and make a note to tell my sisters next time I wear these pants to their house that I wore them out to the store.
@copyright Francesca Goldston January 2006

Refresher Course on How to Win an Argument with a Man

Okay, most of you are going to say -- I win all my arguments with him, I don't need a refresher course. Sure, that's what he wants you to think. But I've been reading the courses available for men on how to win arguments with women, and I have to tell you ladies, we might be in trouble.

Have you ever noticed that even after you win the argument, he goes and does the same thing yet again? Is it because he hates you? Is it because he wants a divorce? NO. It's because he wasn't listening when he nodded his head at you; he was just trying to get you to shut up. It means he's been reading those articles too, and that means Trouble.

We don't want to lose our edge here, girls. So, for those of you who haven't quite finessed the art yet, and for those who've become complacent over the years, here is a quick refresher course.

It is, of course, best to nip the head-nodding response in the bud. The first time he ever nods his head at you and says, "You know what? You're right." Smile at him and say, "I knew it. What do you want to name her?" You'll have his undivided attention for the rest of your life. If it's too late for that, and you've already married the bastard, then the next time he does it, smile at him and say, "I knew it. I can't wait to tell your mother." You will have his undivided attention for at least another two to three years.

Now that you have his attention, argument two should go much more smoothly. Every time he disagrees with you, add a different topic to the conversation. It will confuse him, distract him, and give you the upper hand in a REAL way. E.g.: He says, "I was in my underwear 'coz I don't expect people to just walk into the house unannounced. I was happily drinking beer and watching the Braves. How was I to know your mother would come barging in here?" Don't take the bait -- this is his attempt to change the subject. Steel yourself and say: "The Braves? Who cares about the Braves?" NOW, you're in the lead. He, of course, has to defend the best baseball team in the world. And we all know how to respond to this one, right? You say, "Yes, you're right, except for the Dallas Cowboys." While he uses up his energy explaining the subtle differences between football and baseball, all you have to do is bat your eyelashes and wait for him to reach the boiling point of frustration. This is the moment to get back to the real point, "Can't you at least put on a pair of shorts while you're guzzling your beer in front of the TV?" - and don't forget to insert, "You know, your mother loves the Cowboys." Trust me, you've won this argument.

And lastly, don't ever forget, whenever you're making a point, always add something at the end that insults him a little bit. E.g. "Yes, we are lost. You never admit it when you get lost. If you had really huge balls, you'd admit that we're lost." This way, he has to stop and wonder why you don't already think he has enormous balls, and once men start thinking about that part of their anatomy, they never get back to the argument. You will not only have won the argument, but also have gotten the upper hand in the next three to come.
@Copyright Francesca Goldston Feb 2006